Confession.

Disclaimer: My POV only.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the man who made fun of my feelings. To the man who took advantage of my weakness. To the man who made me wait for nothing. To the man who didn’t even love me as much as i did. To the man who i had an unrequited love with. Who made it look like there was nothing between us. Who thought i had too much braveness inside me to endure this situation. Who made me realize that there is a negative side on being strong. Who let me hear such sweet flowery words. Who made me feel beautiful for a atleast short period of time. Who made me feel like someone loves me the way i love them and to the man who made me realize that believing and having faith in him is ALL WRONG. 

Everything i felt was wrong. Because now i know that he is like that to everyone. Not just me. And now i realize that he was just waiting for someone to catch his bait. And someone did. To that someone, i must say, good luck. Good luck in maintaining what you two have. I really wish you the best. No sarcasm intended.

I’m not angry or anything. At 1st, yes, i was. But i just don’t want it to ruin everything in me. Because in the first place, i knew something was off. But still i took the risk. Because why not, right? It may be worth taking that risk. And the risk is now here. And that means it was not worth it. But yeah, thank you for making me feel this. This feeling i had been avoiding for almost 4 years. I should’ve followed my instinct. But i did not. I’ve taken care of myself for 4 years. Making myself avoid of a situation like this. But i was not good enough. Maybe somehow i should be reminded of the feeling. But i won’t dwell on this like the old time. I’m a lady now.

So thank you for reminding me how i really hate having this kind of feeling. 

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Feeling Worse……..& Lucky?

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When you thought your having your worse day ever then this came. I realize that we should find joy in simple things we have. We should focus on the right and good things around us and ignore those bad luck and worse things. Our God is bigger than our problems!

Now playing: Fly by Avril Lavigne

What:

Started the day wrong.
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Then found joy in the simplest thing possible.

When:

Now. As in literally NOW.

Where:

From home to office. (Running late.)

Note:

Always choose Happiness. 😘

I don’t know.

Confusing yet you want it.

The feeling you get when you thought you had a chance but the truth is you really don`t know if there is.

You can’t tell if its a game and he’s just playing or its a game and he wanna win.

Something tells you that its something serious but something tells that its not.

Sometimes you feel that it’s sincere, but sometimes you feel like it is just a trick.

Some of his habbits will make you say “No”. But most of what you see and how  he makes you feel makes you say “Yes”.

But every doubt disappears when you look at him.

His eyes.

His eyes that makes you believe and want to believe that everything’s dear.

His smile.

His smile that melts every inch of you.

His flaws.

His flaws that makes him even more perfect for you. And also cuter which brings you laughter.

His attitude.

His (not so nice) attitude. But will make you feel he’s trustworthy.

His presence.

His presence that makes you feel you’re not alone.

His affection.

His affection that makes you feel loved.

And all of him.

Him who makes you wanna believe every lie that comes out of his mouth.

Him who makes you feel good but so bad for you.

Why do you choose to believe lies? Why do you keep on holding on something with minimal assurance? Why do you continue even if you know that it will end up in a terrifying way?

It’s because you deserve happiness.

That you don’t care of the ending anymore because you’re happy at the moment.

Thinking of how it could end makes me feel sick. Makes me feel unwell.

Disconnection.

It’s sad to realize

that the person you used to know……..

Suddenly disappeared.

It’s just, it’s crazy.

Because one day, you just knew…..

That you are left alone.

Without prior notice that he will leave.

Not just leave, but also have no plan on coming back.

The one you used to know.

The one he used to be.

The one you used to hold on to.

The one who used to help you.

The one you’re always with.

The one you LOVE.

 

Stop holding on.

Because the one you love, is not the one he used to be.

Maybe it’s time to move on.

Maybe he’s not coming back home.

 

Don’t wait for him.

Cause waiting for him means you’re expecting him to return.

And expecting him to return means hurting yourself.

And that you shouldn’t do.

 

Disconnect him from you MIND and HEART.

Cause disconnecting form the memories of him means having freedom.

And having freedom means happiness.

And being happy means contentment.

There are two sides to every story.

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I am a sensitive type of person. I can easily feel grouchy. When you promise me something, you should not break it.

 

I am feeling this for the past few days, until now. Until now that i heard the other side of the story. Now i feel that i don’t have the right to feel grouchy or i don’t have the right to be angry to that person. He/She will still grant his/her promise but i just can’t wait for it. I know that this is being selfish and all i think is myself. But now i know what i have done wrong. I was wrong to think only about myself. I AM BEING SELFISH. I wasn’t able to think of the reasons why because of being self-centered.

 

I am always like this. Hope that i could still change my attitude because i cannot always know both sides of the story.

 

I like blogging about this because i am now able to express honesty to myself and also without the fear of being judged by my friends or by anyone who knows me. Thank you for stopping by! 🙂