Confession.

Disclaimer: My POV only.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the man who made fun of my feelings. To the man who took advantage of my weakness. To the man who made me wait for nothing. To the man who didn’t even love me as much as i did. To the man who i had an unrequited love with. Who made it look like there was nothing between us. Who thought i had too much braveness inside me to endure this situation. Who made me realize that there is a negative side on being strong. Who let me hear such sweet flowery words. Who made me feel beautiful for a atleast short period of time. Who made me feel like someone loves me the way i love them and to the man who made me realize that believing and having faith in him is ALL WRONG. 

Everything i felt was wrong. Because now i know that he is like that to everyone. Not just me. And now i realize that he was just waiting for someone to catch his bait. And someone did. To that someone, i must say, good luck. Good luck in maintaining what you two have. I really wish you the best. No sarcasm intended.

I’m not angry or anything. At 1st, yes, i was. But i just don’t want it to ruin everything in me. Because in the first place, i knew something was off. But still i took the risk. Because why not, right? It may be worth taking that risk. And the risk is now here. And that means it was not worth it. But yeah, thank you for making me feel this. This feeling i had been avoiding for almost 4 years. I should’ve followed my instinct. But i did not. I’ve taken care of myself for 4 years. Making myself avoid of a situation like this. But i was not good enough. Maybe somehow i should be reminded of the feeling. But i won’t dwell on this like the old time. I’m a lady now.

So thank you for reminding me how i really hate having this kind of feeling. 

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Movie Insight : Inside Out

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Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A MOVIE REVIEW. JUST AN INSIGHT.

What:

Decided to watch the movie Inside Out.

Which I actually have no intention on watching. I don’t know, watching the trailer doesn’t made me want to watch it.

But after some friends told me that  the movie was good, i told myself, maybe i have to give it a try.

When:

October 11, 2015

Sunday. FamDay.

A day to relax.

Where:

Home sweetie Home.

(Widely Smiling)

How it goes:

The movie was great. I did not really see that coming. Haha. I thought the movie is going to be like the other Disney Movies. Too mainstream & too, you know. I can’t explain it. Although there are Disney movies i cannot admit i like and cried too. Hahaha.

The movie gives lessons that most children who watched it, i bet, didn’t really get. The lessons of the movie, i think, is for us. Us, adults. I realized that we don’t always need to be happy. We shouldn’t force our self to be happy if we’re not. It’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to feel disgust, it’s ok to be angry, etc. We have the right to feel what we want to feel. We have to feel a little sadness at times to realize things we do not realize when we are happy. We have to feel a little scared to drive our self to do more of what we can do best. We have to feel a little disgust not for the sake of being “pabebe” or being fussy, but to protect ourselves to the things we think is not going to do good to us. And we have to feel a little anger for us not to be full of it and not sudden burst in anger or in short, in order to somehow control our feeling in situations.

All in all, the movie was really great. It would be a dismay if i did not watch it. I’m really glad i did. Thank you to my friends. 🙂

Note:

There are things worth trying for, even if you didn’t like it first.

Nothing will be lost if we try. It will actually lead us to experiences which we will learn from.

Finding my way back.

I find it hard to understand why people change.
Why they can’t be the way they use to be.
I know change is constant.  But is it necessary?

Until now,  that me,  myself experience this. I notice that I’ve  changed a bit. I’m not the person that i knew. And it seems  that everything’s not the way they used to be. And everything’s not ok.

I used to like everything that surrounds me. But lately,  i don’t  know whay happened. I was once so patient about everything. I really don’t rush things. But now, sigh. Lately I am so sensitive and emotional lately. Which is not so me.

I am the type of person who always tries to understand as long as i could. But why can’t i do it now that i need it badly?

I am really not ok with this change. I am feeling down. Is it because i am stressed and burnt out? How will i become the person i was before? Do i need help? Can somebody help me? Is there someone who’s willing to help me find the person i was before? Can i find my way back? Sigh.

What Ifs.

What could have been?

If you saw the things right through the walls I built?

If we had let go of the things we keep?

If we keep the fire burning?

If we sought for the answers to our questions?

If we let go of the anchor that keeps us from being free?

If we spoil out the things we hide?

If we let the grenade explode?

If we let the feelings show?

If we let the feelings grow?

 

It could have been the best.

But now it’s the worst.

We didn’t.

We left it on “What if?” , “What could have been?”, and “What should have been?”

 

I wish someone would take away my memory of you.

 

Well, it’s not your fault.

You didn’t know.

I didn’t let you know.

Sigh.

Disconnection.

It’s sad to realize

that the person you used to know……..

Suddenly disappeared.

It’s just, it’s crazy.

Because one day, you just knew…..

That you are left alone.

Without prior notice that he will leave.

Not just leave, but also have no plan on coming back.

The one you used to know.

The one he used to be.

The one you used to hold on to.

The one who used to help you.

The one you’re always with.

The one you LOVE.

 

Stop holding on.

Because the one you love, is not the one he used to be.

Maybe it’s time to move on.

Maybe he’s not coming back home.

 

Don’t wait for him.

Cause waiting for him means you’re expecting him to return.

And expecting him to return means hurting yourself.

And that you shouldn’t do.

 

Disconnect him from you MIND and HEART.

Cause disconnecting form the memories of him means having freedom.

And having freedom means happiness.

And being happy means contentment.

There are two sides to every story.

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I am a sensitive type of person. I can easily feel grouchy. When you promise me something, you should not break it.

 

I am feeling this for the past few days, until now. Until now that i heard the other side of the story. Now i feel that i don’t have the right to feel grouchy or i don’t have the right to be angry to that person. He/She will still grant his/her promise but i just can’t wait for it. I know that this is being selfish and all i think is myself. But now i know what i have done wrong. I was wrong to think only about myself. I AM BEING SELFISH. I wasn’t able to think of the reasons why because of being self-centered.

 

I am always like this. Hope that i could still change my attitude because i cannot always know both sides of the story.

 

I like blogging about this because i am now able to express honesty to myself and also without the fear of being judged by my friends or by anyone who knows me. Thank you for stopping by! 🙂